Jorge Luis Borges’ beautiful and seemingly simple poem, Simplicity for Haydée Lange captures perhaps the highest human aspiration – to allow oneself to be known. The beauty of the poem belies the extraordinary achievement such intimate acceptance represents. Of course, at some level, we all want to “simply be accepted as part of an undeniable Reality.”
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These three common issues: low self-esteem, fear of rejection and lack of intimacy seem to constellate in many relationships and often cause subtle, gradual but very significant damage to the relationship. They can act quietly, like an undiagnosed illness in the background – eating away at the fabric of the relationship. Often, what is left is bickering and fighting – which may actually be an unconscious attempt at establishing some form of intimacy – even if it is a negative way (better than not at all!).
Freud was reportedly asked about the definition of psychological health. His reported response was for a person to be able to love and to work. Some authors state this was more or less a throw away answer. However, Freud worked with enough patients to know what he was talking about. Let’s explore this a bit. …