SF Counseling Center


Low Self-Esteem, Fear of Rejection and Lack of Intimacy: Three Common Sources of Relationship Problems

These three common issues: low self-esteem, fear of rejection and lack of intimacy seem to constellate in many relationships and often cause subtle, gradual but very significant damage to the relationship.  They can act quietly, like an undiagnosed illness in the background – eating away at the fabric of the relationship.  Often, what is left is bickering and fighting – which may actually be an unconscious attempt at establishing some form of intimacy – even if it is a negative way (better than not at all!).

10 Important Reasons Being in a Relationship is So Hard

Have you ever wondered why being in a relationship is so hard? We are going to explore 10 important factors. But, first let’s start with a metaphor. I wake up in the morning and decide to check my email. Sometimes my computer drops the connection with my router; it is confused by the signals of all of …

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Emotional Kwashiorkor – Problems with Intimacy

Starving Kids in Magazines Kwashiorkor is a terrible condition of malnutrition. Images of children suffering from this disorder used to populate National Geographic and other similar magazines.  The children with this disorder are skinny, but with bloated abdomens.  The average person in the first world could not imagine how a child could look both like …

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(Borges and) The Exquisite Vulnerability of Being Known

Jorge Luis Borges’ beautiful and seemingly simple poem, Simplicity for Haydée Lange captures perhaps the highest human aspiration – to allow oneself to be known.  The beauty of the poem belies the extraordinary achievement such intimate acceptance represents.  Of course, at some level, we all want to “simply be accepted as part of an undeniable Reality.”

Premarital Counseling

Marriage poses a paradox. We really do best in a marriage when we can be mature, understand our limitations and foibles and learn to be patient/mature with our spouse. However, there are strong regressive pulls in marriage. We often look to our partner to make up for things in our family of origin. We can benefit from appreciating the wonderful qualities of our partner, even from a dreamy perspective – however, we really do need to balance the dreaminess with the patience that comes from mature love.